i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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