Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
