I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
