I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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