Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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