Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
