I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
