he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
