i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
