I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
