So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
