Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
