Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Alive.
So much puke
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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