I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
