Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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