I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
