Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
