I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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