You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
