I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
