A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
