I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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