It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Let's get the cat blown out
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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