The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize