so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
