So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
