I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
