I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
