im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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