I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
