he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
