Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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