I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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