I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
