yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
