In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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