I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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