Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
