Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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