Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
