If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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