Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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