From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
