I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
