when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
