We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think I won the penis lottery.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to make out with him forever
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
