Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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