i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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