She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize