Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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