just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
