dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
