i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
