dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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