you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
