Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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