Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize