I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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