Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
