Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
