I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
