yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
