Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
