What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize