Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
