so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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