I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
