This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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