do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
