I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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