Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
