I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
