i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
