I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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