Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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