No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
