I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
