If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
