life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
