when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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