You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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