forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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