I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
