Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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