wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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