my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Sober January is a disaster.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
