You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize