I looked at my own cervix.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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