Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wear drunk well.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
