I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
