this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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