she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
