Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize