Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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