I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
