I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize