I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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