at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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