I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
