I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize