I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
