Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Let's paint friendship bongs
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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