well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
