i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
