He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
