D3 body, D1 cock
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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