Plan B is the new Plan A
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
