this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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