Cold hands, warm shart.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
