I'm really into asian looking animals
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize