I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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