Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
