well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
