i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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