There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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