I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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