I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
