what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
