At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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